Listening Skills

One of the most fundamental elements of coaching and mentoring is listening. To be a good coach or mentor you have to be a good listener, but do you always really listen to what your clients are saying?

Here are a few reminders to help you to reflect on your listening skills:

What is good listening?
Listening is not just about hearing. It is when you truly understand the other person's point of view, what they are thinking, how they are feeling and how they see the world. Listening involves not only hearing, but also understanding what is said, giving feedback on what you have heard and using and interpreting the non-verbal aspects of communication i.e. vocal factors (pitch, tone and rhythm), eye contact, facial expressions, body postures and even silence.

What are the benefits of good listening?
When you display good listening skills the person you are listening to feels understood and valued and is more likely to be open and honest with you. By giving them the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings with you they can gain greater insight and make better choices.

What are the barriers to good listening?
- Having preconceptions or making assumptions about what the other person might say and should say.
- Selective attention leading to bias in what you hear.
- Thinking faster than other people can talk and your attention wandering.
- Being unable to ignore irrelevant information.
- Other people's conversations and background distractions.
- Not allowing enough time for the conversation.
- Thinking of other things, planning what you want to say next or daydreaming.

What behaviours impede good listening?
- Interrupting when the other person is talking.
- Giving advice or offering solutions when the other person is talking.
- Using humour inappropriately.
- Reassuring or consoling the other person before they have finished speaking.
- Fidgeting or distracting the other person.
- Using emotionally laden language.

How can you improve your listening skills?
- Look interested in the other person and be alert.
- Concentrate on really listening to the other person, including what they are saying, how they are saying it and their body language.
- Minimise distractions.
- Be patient and do not interrupt
- Keep up with what the other person is saying and listen to the whole story.
- Allow the other person to be silent. They may be thinking or processing something internally.
- Provide clear feedback to show that you are listening e.g. nodding, agreeing and encouraging.
- Match the other person's body language, vocal factors, metaphors, use of language and emotional tone, so that they feel listened to, understood and appreciated.
- Try to understand what the person is actually saying, what they are thinking and what they are feeling.
- Use your intuition to try and understand what the other person is thinking and feeling but may not be actually saying.
- Do not be judgemental or opinionated.
- If you need to take notes ask first if this is okay and do it in a way that does not distract the other person.
- Analyse and reflect back what you have heard, by paraphrasing, repeating, asking open questions and clarifying.
- Summarise the key points of the conversation and ask the other person whether they agree with your summary.
- Notice if you are not properly listening so that you can quickly bring your attention back to the other person.

If you would like supervision for your coaching or mentoring please refer to the Makin It Happen – Supervision & Support for Coaches & Mentors website at http://coachmentorsupervision.co.uk or contact Liz Makin at Liz@makinithappen.co.uk.

This article first appeared in the December 2007 edition of the Makin It Happen – Supervision & Support for Coaches & Mentors newsletter. Please click here to Sign up for our email newsletter.